I was always a weird type. I was always strange. I was always the one that others couldn't relate to. Hell, even I didn't know who I was?!
I remember growing up. I was a loner..... I saw the other kids playing football. And I asked them- 'What are you doing?'
They said they're playing football. I answered back to them- 'Why are you kicking a ball around?'
Then I as I was growing up there was pop music. And I was like pop music really?
Yet, I also felt that I was an outcast for being weird. I just could never relate to modern-day society. I felt like I could relate more to Victorian times, medieval times. But modern-day society is just weird by my standard.
My only crime I'm on trial for, is me being me..... Yet, for being weird. I feel cast out by modern day society.
I just try to put myself into other people shoes and I'm just like- 'I'm sorry, I don't get your mindset. I just don't get how you think? You're thinking I'm weird? Well to me, I think YOU're weird!'
My whole life, ever since I could remember. I was never believed or taken seriously. As I was growing up, I was bullied. Even today, authority figures have never believed me as I called out for help.
It just feels like- 'We all have our inner darkness. We all have our inner demons to face. And my own inner demons are my thoughts. My own inner demons are how other people see me. I've been weird and people have been bullying me for being weird my entire life.'
I may be weird, but one thing I'm not is a fool. I don't deserve to be discriminated against for being weird. In a way being weird is being a beautiful thing. Like a flower, only the flower has a different shape to all the other flowers. Perhaps it doesn't grow in the same place as the other flowers. Though it's still a flower none the less.
The reason I turned against Christianity. Is because they just couldn't see the real me for who I really was.
I'm not gay myself. However I don't see anything wrong with being gay. And gays should not be discriminated against for being gay. Just as I shouldn't be discriminated against for being me.
Even as I got into paganism, a part of me could relate to it and a part of me couldn't. A part of me in my mind wanted to travel back in time. And experience paganism of what it was like long, long ago. I wanted to go back in time to ancient Greece or Rome or whatever and experience it through their shoes. Without some of the modern day notions of viewing, at least some elements of paganism.
Anyway, during my story, I tried so hard to fit into modern day society. Being bulled or worse for people not understanding me for who I was. That lead to a bad, bad breakdown at the age of 14. Leading doctors or whatever just not understanding. Leading from a school diagnosis of Autism to the diagnosis of 'Paranoid Schizophrenia' Or whatever the doctors call it....
So, perhaps you're weird too.
Perhaps you're not understood. But what is the term weird? Some people who are weird have had many lifetimes. So many, that the reason that they don't know who they are. Is because they lived so many lifetimes. That the whole terminology of who they are just doesn't make sense any more....
With me when I had a breakdown at the age of 14 I got these voices and saw these really intense visual scenes. It was later, as I learned to control it.
I realized these scenes were in fact past life scenes coming back to me. And was also myself perceiving the spiritual realm.
It was later doing past life work. I started perceiving images from World War One, Medieval times. Ancient Egypt. To even stone age times.
An old soul- Even from a young age, I don't know why but I could relate more to grown ups. Or even to some extent old people. Rather than the other kids at school.
There is a thing as old souls. And that is partly what old souls mean. People that have been reincarnated. Many, many times before.
Could I be an alien? No really! Past lifetimes don't have be limited to just these plains of existence or even this world. They could also be related to other worlds. You could have been an alien in a past life. Or even a fairy or a unicorn. You could even have been a god in a past lifetime. It is possible... Google the term “star seed”. Which might account to some of your weird-ish ways....
Be you... Again and again whilst doing something called a shamanic journey and spirit guide meditations, again and again I kept getting the same message- 'Be you! Don't try to be someone you're not, just to make others happy. Your destiny in your lifetimes is for you. To be yourself.'
Even in a psychic group. This other lady just did not know me and that was the same message the spirits gave her-' Be you!"
In one of my past lifetimes I was tortured and killed for being me. Just for being strange. And in this lifetime one of the lessons I must learn is to be the beautiful weird me that I am.
Comments